Insurmountable Sadness

Like most people who’ve heard the news of the mass shooting at an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut, I have been in a dark place for most of the weekend. I’ve had a bad case of the “mean reds”, as Ms. Holly Golightly, a character from “Breakfast At Tiffany’s”, would call it … when you’re feeling afraid, but you don’t know what you’re afraid of.

However, I know exactly what I’m afraid of. What happened at Sandy Hook Elementary School on Friday is my worst nightmare realized, as I’m sure it is for most people who’ve heard the news … especially, for parents. This is because our little boy is the light of my life.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’ve had an amazing life before he came along. My husband and I had travelled the world. I had a great job that I loved, and more importantly, I had a wonderful partner with whom I could share everything.

But once our little boy came into our world, the joy and the happiness we’d felt between the two of us became tenfold, supersized, and I’d come to realize a whole new meaning of the word LOVE. I never thought I could love anything or anyone as much as I love our son.

I’ve gone through many changes and loses in my life, but I know that I would and could NEVER get over the loss of my son. It would be a devastation that I would not want to live through … one that would break me completely.

Every death is tragic, but every time I hear a news of an untimely death of a child, my heart breaks for the parents and their loved ones, and although logically I know that the chance of my son being hurt in a mass shooting or by violence like the kind visited upon Newtown is incredibly small, logic doesn’t mean much when it comes to the fear of losing a child.

What happened in Newtown is absolutely unfathomable, something that I could have never imagined or even think to put on my list of wildest and craziest things that could happen to or harm my little boy (and believe me, it’s not a short list). As parents, we send our kids out into the world with so little control over what will happen to them, and to know that something like this could happen is absolutely maddening and terribly frightening.

As one of the millions of people who have watched this tragic event unfold in the past few days, my heart goes out to the people of Newtown, Connecticut. I feel an insurmountable sadness for everyone who has survived through such tragedy and has lost someone that they loved. Although my condolences and words may do little to comfort them, I hope that one day, they’ll find peace and the strength to move forward, as while fear is fleeting, love is forever.


About S. In

a cultural critic, an avid traveler and a purveyor of social justice and education equity View all posts by S. In

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